Introduction/Welcome

Welcome to my blog…. I have blogged before; I can usually keep up with it when I have tons of waiting to do.  You know, Dr.’s appointments, hospital stays, when things interrupt our normally hectic life.  You see, I am a mom, not only a mom, but a wife, and kind of a nurse, and kind of a full time analyst for software development, and a daughter, a sister, a friend, and tons of other stuff.  I am CEO of my life and well, would love to retire and let someone else take over, but don’t seem to have any takers for the position. Let me introduce the rest of the crew, T is my hubby, my best friend, my cheerleader, my sounding board, and the only man in the world that would put up with me this long (yes, my dear friends, that is true love right there.).  Next is S, my son, currently 10 years old going on 16.  S has Type 1 Diabetes (a blog all in itself) and is my sweet mini me.  He has a heart bigger than you could imagine and loves his electronics and playing golf.  He is my loner, but he likes it that way.  Last you have P. Oh, dear little P.  He is my red haired, freckled 5 year old.  He is T’s mini me.  Down to that grin and attitude, but he is the sweetest little one, when he wants to be that is.  He is pure energy, and keeps us all on our toes. 

I wanted to start a blog again because, for me, writing about my life tends to be very therapeutic.  I usually don’t take time for me.  T has a “few” medical issues that we deal with.  S, obviously has a lot of stuff we deal with, and P, well it takes all I have just to follow along behind him.  I usually read to unwind, but I get lost in the world of my books and then T gets a little irritated after 2 or 3 days that I am glued to my Kindle app. 

 So, if you follow this blog, expect humor and tears (we have a lot of both at our place), expect epiphanies and snarkiness, expect love to show and real life struggles to come through.  I am not in any way shape or form perfect.  I can’t be.  I am writing this to capture it for my boys, to give them a little insight to their lives when they are sitting on the therapist’s couch when they are older. (Nothing like documenting your life on the Web to scar your children, but hey chicks dig scars so my boys should be fine).  If you like it, thanks for reading, if this is not your cup of tea.. go ahead and find something else, it is ok, I won’t be offended…

 Last, the title.. you see we go through a lot.  To give you an idea of the last 4 months, the week after Thanksgiving, both of our dads were diagnosed with cancer, 4 days apart (in this time frame I also managed to break my thumb… talk about talent).  Then my brother in law passed away.  While he had been sick, it was still not expected.  Then our dog passed, and one of the fish.  (This is all before Christmas, mind you).  It was a rough holiday season.  My father in law has brain cancer… a bad one.  He had the tumor removed, or at least part of it, then ended up in the hospital with a SEVERE reaction to the medication they gave him. (4 days in ICU severe).  The punches just keep coming.  On top of this, with the holidays, S’s blood sugar of course bounces all around, and now he is having some stomach issues we are trying to figure out.  T is also having some neck issues, just a re occurrence of a previous issue, but added to the list.  I give you this information, not as a request for pity, for you see that does no good.  This is to help you understand our title.  Through everything, S and I just look at each other and say.. we got this.. one step at a time, oh but wait.. that is too much,  we got this, one breath a time.. we can get through this.  As S and I were talking today, there is nothing in this world that God will let happen to us that we can’t get through with Him.  (Yeah, we’re those Jesus freaks your mom warned you about…. We love Him and all… sorry if that offends ya, but it’s just how we roll…stick around, you might like some of what you read, if not, you can show your other friends that don’t believe and have a chuckle over us… at least we have shared our story)

 So what to expect from this… lots of humor and sarcasm, lots of love, a chronicle of how we muddle through life with a medical mystery and a T1D.  Wanna learn more about these?  Stay tuned for what’s to come.. I guarantee you might like it…. And if not, at least you tried 🙂

wow when it hits you it hits you

I recieved 2 things this morning that reminded me, hey people read what you write and some people may get something out of it. A very good friend forwarded me an email from Proverbs 21 ministry today with the following prayer at the bottom:

Dear Lord, help me separate my circumstances from my identity. Help me only determine my worth by Your truth and not my performance in any situation. Thank You for looking at me not as I am, but how Jesus has enabled me to be. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The jist of the lesson was a mom who thought she was hitting the mom high making brownies for the school bake sale (100 individually wrapped ones to be exact) and thought it would be extra special to make turtle brownies only to remember when bagging #97 the school was a nut free school. She was down on herself and beating herself up. How many times have many of us been here? Where we let the task we were not succeeding at identify us at the moment? I know I am really guilty of this on multiple occasions. I think this is my new goal, to do as the prayer says and not let my circumstances identify me. No matter how I succeed or how I fail or how many times I fall, God loves me anyway, and will always be there as long as I remember the sacrifices he made for me.

I was talking to a colleague the other day that I have had many spiritual conversations with. You could say she was on the fence as to whether she was a believer or because of her circumstances. Her family history ranged from an addict to a follower that was led in some interesting directions. She told me yesterday that she has decided that there must be a God, that with the good and bad she has witnessed there has to be something behind it. She is not sure about the whole church and circumstance and pomp, but she has decided that she wants to try and find a church home that fits for her and her family. I have to say, I have never before truly realized what it means to witness and see the fruits of your labor, and I cannot take full credit for her decision, but I think the fact that I could provide facts to even out the exaggerations she was receiving elsewhere, and that I could explain my relationship with God to her in terms of being a parent (a bond we both share) that it help in some small way, and that she would share it with me.. well, it was a small thing and she did not have to do it, but the fact that she did, I think it was God’s way of letting me know that while I may not realize the example I set by professing my faith openly, that the impact is there in small ways. One other example is my son’s who do you love the most game. It is a game he plays, asking everyone who they love the most, because in his 7 year old mind you have to love somebody the most, you can’t love everyone the same amount. Well normally he rotates his answer between his father, his brother and myself, whoever helps him out most at the moment, however the other day he started it out, “Mom, do you know who I love the most?” and my reply, “Is it Phil today?”, to which he came back, “Nope, I love God the most because he loves me the most.” It was one of those parenting moments where you just really sit back and say through all my conceived failures, I must be doing something right for him to get it that simple.

As you go through your day, let your identity shine through that you are a child of the King, that you will have success, and you will have failure, but the most important thing is you realized that as long as you get back up and keep on going, in the end there can be no failure. God Bless.


ThinkExist Dynamic daily quotation

Please and Thank you

ok, so no profound observations today, it is all about back to the basics.  I have  realized lately that in the hustle and bustle of our lives we sometimes forget the little things like saying Thank you and smiling at people, so I am making a conscious effort to sincerely thank someone in my life each day..  There are so many people in my life that make profound differences, and as I have gotten older and busier, I don’t always take the time to appreciate things, big and small.  It really is the simple things in life that make a profound difference.  I remember with my oldest son being so proud as a parent that some of his first words were please and thank you.  It warms my heart when we go places and he says yes maam or yes sir.  It is amazing how using simple manners can change the whole tone of a conversation.

So in light of this, I want to thank each of you that read this.  I don’t know who reads, or when it is read, I just hope that my little ramblings, if nothing else, cause you to pause and take stock of your surroundings and realize that life can be so much simpler and easier if we remember to respect each other and be polite.  I know, trust me do I know, that it is not always easy, but if it was, everyone could do it and then it wouldn’t mean as much.  So I challenge you, go out today and thank someone.  Maybe it is the person in the cube next to you that gave you a tissue (or a whole box :)) or the person that smiled at you in traffic, or the teacher that helped your child learn more than you every imagined for a 6 year old boy, or that 6 year old boy that can melt your heart with a grin.  It doesn’t cost you anything to do it, and it only improves things for everyone, so go for it… and toot your own horn if you like and let me know how it goes.

Mondays

ok, so it is Monday once again… as some may not know, I am trying to get over a rough bout of pneumonia, and well, haven’t posted a whole lot lately.  I have started dozens of posts in my mind, but none of them have made it to the web yet.  Soooo, what profound things do I have to talk about today.  Well, it is Monday, it is sunny, I am above ground, my family and I are truly blessed, I really should not have anything to complain about.  (Of course that doesn’t stop me.. I really should listen to myself more)  I guess what I am saying is each day you wake up you have yet another opportunity to live your life, so don’t waste time and get to living it.  I was going over my schedule with someone this morning and realized it is over 2 weeks before we have 1 night with nothing to do.  What a hectic schedule we have, yet my kids love it.   I seem to thrive on it, I want my kids to be able to say we did it all, we went to the zoo and Busch Gardens and the Tides Games and had a blast, we had picnics and carpet picnics, we rode bikes, we played in the mud.  My son is 6 years old and has played T-Ball, took swimming lessons, took tae kwon do at the Y, took gymnastics, and those are just the organized sports.  My 18 month old is learning tae kwon do from just watching his brother.

I guess what I am really trying to say is we only have today.. try to make the best of it.  My son recently asked me what my very favorite thing was as he and his brother were sitting in my lap, and I really couldn’t think of anything better than that moment.  Yesterday, my husband and both sons were dancing together, and it was just infectious, I love seeing my husband so completely wrapped around my children’s fingers… the love oozing around our family can be sickening, but it is ours.

So, sorry for the short post today, but I am going to go enjoy the day

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it. – Danny Kaye

May your day be as colorful as possible and may God continue to bless you and yours 🙂

ok, so fell off the wagon

I missed last week, I am sorry, things have been hectic between sick kids, sick mommy, and so on. So today, back into routine. I am at work today and since my oldest is out of school for the day, he is here with me, and surprisingly, things are going really well. He is set up in my little pod with his own laptop, earphones and the thomas the tank engine website. Soo, since this weekend was phenomenal with my family I wanted to use a verse about kids today…

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

Well, most parents probably have the same dilemma that I do, you make the effort to take your child to church, to teach them about God and the things that will help them become loving, compassionate, well adjusted adults. You always wonder if you are doing a good job and if the lessons are really sinking in, if you are meeting the challenge to do as the scripture says and train up a child in the way he should go. Well, I know most people may not see the results for a very long time and say a lot of prayers that what they learn will stick with them. My six year old son, somehow humbles me every night as we say our prayers. He starts out with the typical, “Now I lay me down to sleep…” and we thought we were being smart, when we taught him the prayer we taught him to say and God Bless my family and friends, instead of listening to the barrage of names he could come up with. (It didn’t work, he still lists everyone out and finishes with that for a catchall… ) Then in the last few weeks, after saying the previous, he just starts talking to God.. God thank you for a fun day with my Mommy, and God could show ____ how much fun church is so he will come more, God, today my brother and I did this…. And it is when I hear my 6 year old son saying prayers like he is talking to someone next to him that is a good friend, I realize we are doing something right. He has no qualms about praying in public, thinks it is weird that not everyone does. I hope and I pray that I continue to teach him to be so open and loving in his faith and that I can do the same for Phil. When I look at my children, I realize the extent of God’s love for me, through my love for them.. he doesn’t care if I have drool and boogers all over me, he doesn’t care that I rebel against him, he loves me anyway, when I trip and fall, he catches me even though I forgot to ask, when things are falling apart around me, I have to remember when Sean is falling apart, I just go to him and hold him and listen, and God does the same for me. No everything can’t be fixed, no God can’t go tell somebody to quick picking on me, but that is not his job, he just wants to love me and have me love him back as simple and pure as my boys love me. There is nothing better than when I come home from work and am attacked by the two little people that I love most in this world because they are running with arms outstretched to mom. I can only imagine what God feels like when we run to him. I don’t think I have ever really thought this through so much until I started writing this post, God loves me like I love my children. It is easy for me to do, I just love them, they didn’t have to do anything to make it happen, it doesn’t matter that they don’t always listen or do what I want them to, I love them anyway. What a gift we have been given, and I think I am just sad that it has taken me this long to truly realize the extent of this gift. Love, given freely, no strings attached, all that is asked in return is love.

Wow, there is my profound moment of the day. And on that note, I think Sean and I may have to have our picnic soon and maybe we will go back to the park we went to this weekend and look for more hermit crabs and just enjoy the day. For everyone that reads, may God bless you and may this have touched you or at lest made you smile.

Ok, so I wrote this on Monday, but it for some reason did not publish. I want to thank everyone for their prayers, for those that don’t know I was diagnosed on Monday with a severe case of pneumonia, which has knocked me down, you don’t realize how quick you get worn out when you can’t breathe. Anyway, I am hopefully on the mend and getting better, but will keep everyone posted. Again, thanks.

struggles

ok, so I have struggled with this post for the past few days, thinking it over and over in my head, saying the same things different ways, trying to think of the best way to protect the innocent, but you know, I just have to put it out there and pray that the message hits home.

You know how there are just “those” people that you just don’t want to deal with, the family member that does nothing but whine, the friend that means well, but goes on and on about poor pitiful me? I got to thinking about these people the other day and realized something, I whine about having to listen to it, and about having to “put up” with things and how someting some people do makes absolutely no sense to me. And I started thinking real hard, not something I do real often, and it took being an outsider listening to someone else, and my first response to that person was, well did you pray for that person? And the response was well, I just don’t want to deal with that at all, and then my question came out again, Well, maybe that just means you should pray even more… you see it is easy for us to pray for those we love and cherish, easy for us to pray for those close to us, or for mass groups of unnamed persons that are suffering, but what about that one person you just can’t see eye to eye with, did you say a prayer for them? I have a few situations at work that I am guilty of that, and am now making a conscious effort to remedy, and realizing, I was not meant to know all sides of every story, there is no way I could wrap my brain around it, and thanks to God and what he has given us, I don’t have to. See it is a very simple principle, just pray. If you can learn to pray about it, and I am not talking about a long drawn out thing, I know that when I pray it tends to sound more like a one sided conversation with a friend than a pomp and circumstance kind of thing. For instance, an employee at work was let go, and even though I didn’t always get along with that person, I had to stop and think, it doesn’t matter if I liked him or not, or if he liked me or not, he was a fellow person, going through a struggle, so I said a quick prayer that God light his path and lead him to where he needed to be. Short simple to the point, and hopefully heard. You see it is easy to say God Bless my children, you love them and want good things to happen to and for them, but what about to that guy that cut you off driving to work, did you pray that he made it to his destination safely? Did you thank God that you were at that spot 5 seconds earlier where it could have been disastrous? I spend a lot of time in my car and am now addicted to K-Love, I used to be one of those people that flipped stations after each song, and now I can’t bring myself to do it. And listening to the songs and stories, I now can’t seem to tear myself away. I actually feel a presence with me when I throw caution to the wind and start singing along. (For those that know me, I have to make sure I am in the car alone as not to damage anyone’s hearing.. I have been blessed, but not with a singing voice, he said a joyful noise, not an in tune noise) With this new development, I also find myself noticing little things around me as I drive, I said a prayer for the mother on the cell phone the other day, that she make it safely, said a prayer that the big rig saw me driving beside him, I find myself saying all sorts of prayers.  So I charge you as you go forward from here to think about it the next time you have to listen to someone, or someone just seems to irritate you, remember, you don’t know the full story, you weren’t meant to and aren’t responsible for finding out, you are only responsible for your reaction, whether you whine about having to listen to it or you say a prayer that God help that person find the contentment and happiness we all strive for.

As one of my new favorite sayings from a book series I have been reading, “Blessed be”

a Legacy

First I want to say thank you to a dear friend that taught our Sunday School class yesterday. No matter how outgoing I may appear, it is sometimes difficult to put yourself out there (even in cyberspace) and make your thoughts open to any and everyone, and the fact that people are reading and being touched by this blog, even though I shouldn’t need validation, it is nice to know I can make a small difference.

Ok, on to today’s topic. I spent most of this past weekend playing with my kids on two beautiful days. A lot of time spent outside. It brought to mind one of my very favorite songs, Legacy, by Nicole Nordeman. As I was putting Sean to bed the other night, I realized we must be doing something right. I told him to say his prayer and he said the run of the mill, Now I lay me down to sleep… and then after asking God to bless his mom and dad and Phil, he just started carrying on a conversation with God. That my 6 year old child is comfortable enough with God and gets the concept that praying is just talking to God and telling him your worries and asking for forgiveness, it touched me. So for today, I wanna leave a legacy, that through my actions, those who are around can be better, they can see the difference that has been made in my life. My children are my legacy, and how I raise them is a true reflection of the type of person I am, good and bad (just ask anyone about Phil’s temper). May I and other parents have the strength to leave a legacy…

Legacy – Nicole Nordeman

I don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who’s who and so-n-so’s that used to be the best
At such’n’such … it wouldn’t matter much

I won’t lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an ‘Atta boy’ or ‘Atta girl’
But in the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don’t have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It’s an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, “Well Done” good and faithful one…